It is hot as Satan’s Jacuzzi down here in Southern Africa currently, chickens are laying boiled eggs and a piece of steak that I was eagerly looking forward to braai this weekend has somehow gotten to be well done despite being in my fridge. Fuck you, science! Not even this can affect our moods though, we’re very much like Australians, but we’re better at rugby, and cricket, and we don’t constantly bitch and moan about the heat and wildlife trying to kill us, and we don’t say cunt as often. On a related note, our national cricket team staged one hell of a comeback in a test match against England, much proud boys! But then the rest of the match was called off because of rain, so there’s that. Life. The new year has kicked off at an astonishing pace, though, and we’re diving in head first!
So New Year’s Resolutions; mine has been the same as the previous couple of years, but I believe that I have said that before. I have added another two; trying not to pick my nose in polite company, and avoid impulse shopping. It’s not working out tremendously well. But if you’re one of those people that have made getting fit one of your resolutions then please, for the love of all that is holy, re-rack the goddamn weights! Don’t do curls in the squat section, wipe your sweat of the equipment, try to be respectful! If I need to hear one more fucking gym junky complain about all the new people at their local iron pumping facility then…I don’t fucking know, I might get upset. Also, if you frequently visit the gym and see all these new people, how’s about giving the fatty on the treadmill a hi-5 when you walk by? They might just need the recognition on that day, it would keep them motivated, don’t tell them that I called them fat though, please.
This is the year to pick up the slack! Why wait until February? You might as well start today, or ROCK this weekend and start on Monday! Whatever you do, though, do it well and do it thoroughly. There is no more time to waste over here, we’re headed for greatness. All those areas where you procrastinated in 2015 need to be righted, it is never too late to pursue something that you have always had a passion for, and now is exactly the change that you may have been considering from, like, October of last year. We’re kicking ass over here, and unless you want to remain stuck in the back row of the cheap seats for the rest of your life, we are going to need for you to join us. So don’t be a dick, don’t ever be THAT guy, don’t drive drunk, treasure your youth and your health, keep your thoughts positive, and let’s live this year like everyday is a Saturday!!