Inspiration Before The Weekend- Start With Just The Tip

Getting there, slowly, unwavering, focused, however long it takes. Making daily strides towards a goal, or multiple goals, should become a habit, like morning coffee or checking your emails. As the age old cliché goes; a hundred mile journey starts with a single step. I suppose it would happen to everybody at different intervals throughout a week/year/lifetime, where the action to pursue an ambition would seem almost hopeless, like you do not have any idea what you are doing, like the task before you seems impossible and there is just no breakthrough, but essentially that is where you build your character, where you define you perseverance, and become that man or woman that you were destined to be!

Do you have any idea for how many billions of years this planet of ours has existed, BRO? Would you like to know how few people or actions have had any significant impact towards influencing even a small group of people, let alone have any direct influence in the many number of people who have been here before you, and experienced just as vivid, but less opportunistic, life as you are currently living? That number would only be a handful, statistically minuscule in the grand scheme of things. You have everything going for you, BRO! And that email that you need to send to get some information, that phone call that you need to make to be the first step towards achieving your ambitions will definitely not have any impact on the course of history, it’s not even a drop in the ocean, it would not influence humanity in any way, shape or form. And if the only possible reason why you haven’t yet made that first step is dented pride, then you are going to need to sack up, “it’s the fastest who get paid, and the fastest who get laid!”

Life ain’t particularly easy in this day and age, BRO, but it’s a hell of allot easier than it used to be. There is tons of information at your fingertips, unbelievably accessible mentors, and thousands of books that can supply the knowledge that you need. That excuse of “I don’t know where to start” no longer holds any water. Figure it out, like the big boy or girl that you are. Sometimes it might feel hopeless or overwhelming, but nothing is going to get done unless you initialize the momentum towards finishing a task. And god knows your mom won’t be there to hold your hand when you cross this threshold, these are the steps that you need to take on your own, and do you know what? I believe in you, and so do your family, and so do your friends! So fuck right off with your training wheel bullshit, make your actions speak for you, and force the world to be your bitch!

Hardships come, and tough times may last longer than you might think you can endure, but nothing is ever eternal, BRO. When you see it through, and figure out that you ain’t made of glass, that you are made of gainz, ambition, and solid sex appeal, and muster up the courage to crawl through the sludge and grab a fist full of that success, then you are well on your way! Look at you go, look at where you are. Has that shitty tattoo that you got straight out of high school stopped you from developing into the bad ass motherfucker that you are? Hell no! And that night that you got hammered and did bush diving in front of all those attractive girls at the golf course, did that keep you from being the alpha sun of a gun that you currently are? Hell to the fuck no, BRO! So look at you, you made it this far, why on god’s green one are you going to stop now??

Get after it, you dirty little double dicking bastard, I believe in you! The world is your goddamn oyster, and if you don’t continue to push towards your ambitions now then you will find yourself in exactly the kind of hole that you are aspiring to get out of at this very moment. Grind some gears, stir up the pot, and get to doing what you have wanted to pursue but haven’t yet made the first moves towards accomplishing. Have at it!

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Inspiration Before The Weekend- Omerta

Aaayyee bitches, we’re back! Well, it’s almost a year, to the day, since we’ve last posted anything, and perhaps the internet was better off without us. So when I say that we’re back, I mean heavier, raunchier, louder, and more politically incorrect than ever! And I also mean that we’re going after this writing thing again in 2017, because 2016 was such an abortion of a year and we have a hell of a lot to catch up on.

So have you made any progress towards positively enforcing those New Year’s resolutions that you so whole heartedly swore you are going to tackle head on? For a day? For a week? You’re still going at it? Why on god’s green Earth not? No, busy isn’t that good of an excuse. You’re wasting your time reading this, right, so how busy are you really? You know, I fully agree that one needs a couple of minutes every day to just chill and breathe for a bit, however, have you added up all the time that you’ve wasted going on the exact same news website for the fifth time today? I really think you should tone that shit down, maybe only read the news three times tomorrow and with the extra time do a little towards those goals of yours. Send that email, make that phone call, request that information you need to do your thing, which you have reluctantly delayed because you were too “busy” making another cup of fucking coffee.

I always keep my New Year’s resolutions simple, though. There are some things that I intend to accomplish professionally which take president over other ambitions that I may have, but my general basket which holds my aspirations extends mostly towards spending more time with family and friends, getting out of the house, and doing rad shit. Hell, what’s the point of living if you’re not going to get out there and live a little! That entails more dinners, dates, adventures, fun, and to keep moving. Less saying no when people invite me to go out, motivating myself to go to that thing even though I would rather stay in bed and be lazy. Let’s be honest, and perhaps a little morbid for a second; none of us, our family, or our friends are going to be around forever, and I would rather have a massive treasure trove of amazing memories to choose from over the years than a handful of little smiles when the day comes that you need to remind yourself of the amazing person and life you had the pleasure of sharing with whomever is no longer here to share in your experiences.

So we’re making it happen, bro! This year we’re going hard, making our mark, getting after that shit, let’s make the world wonder where we find the time or energy to accomplish everything that we do. Let them envy us, let them admire us, and let us inspire them!

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Inspiration Before The Weekend- Don’t Go Away Mad, Just Go Away!

It is hot as Satan’s Jacuzzi down here in Southern Africa currently, chickens are laying boiled eggs and a piece of steak that I was eagerly looking forward to braai this weekend has somehow gotten to be well done despite being in my fridge. Fuck you, science! Not even this can affect our moods though, we’re very much like Australians, but we’re better at rugby, and cricket, and we don’t constantly bitch and moan about the heat and wildlife trying to kill us, and we don’t say cunt as often. On a related note, our national cricket team staged one hell of a comeback in a test match against England, much proud boys! But then the rest of the match was called off because of rain, so there’s that. Life. The new year has kicked off at an astonishing pace, though, and we’re diving in head first!

So New Year’s Resolutions; mine has been the same as the previous couple of years, but I believe that I have said that before. I have added another two; trying not to pick my nose in polite company, and avoid impulse shopping. It’s not working out tremendously well. But if you’re one of those people that have made getting fit one of your resolutions then please, for the love of all that is holy, re-rack the goddamn weights! Don’t do curls in the squat section, wipe your sweat of the equipment, try to be respectful! If I need to hear one more fucking gym junky complain about all the new people at their local iron pumping facility then…I don’t fucking know, I might get upset. Also, if you frequently visit the gym and see all these new people, how’s about giving the fatty on the treadmill a hi-5 when you walk by? They might just need the recognition on that day, it would keep them motivated, don’t tell them that I called them fat though, please.

This is the year to pick up the slack! Why wait until February? You might as well start today, or ROCK this weekend and start on Monday! Whatever you do, though, do it well and do it thoroughly. There is no more time to waste over here, we’re headed for greatness. All those areas where you procrastinated in 2015 need to be righted, it is never too late to pursue something that you have always had a passion for, and now is exactly the change that you may have been considering from, like, October of last year. We’re kicking ass over here, and unless you want to remain stuck in the back row of the cheap seats for the rest of your life, we are going to need for you to join us. So don’t be a dick, don’t ever be THAT guy, don’t drive drunk, treasure your youth and your health, keep your thoughts positive, and let’s live this year like everyday is a Saturday!!

 

Inspiration Before The Weekend- 2015 Can Suck My Balls

So here we are, so close to the end of yet another epic year that I am already tasting that New Year’s Eve tequila, champagne, and 12 o’clock kisses! I suppose that we can all agree that this was a particularly tough year, there has certainly been a couple of amazing moments also. And even though there is still more than enough time left to reflect on how we handled some of the less than ideal situations, tribulations, challenges, and damn right nasty experiences that we have endured, there is also a lil’ bit of a chance that you can make up for some of the time lost, and also reflect on the times, and days, and memories that have made this a pretty rad 2015. Crisis!! We’ve been to some of the most amazing places! We have met some of the most amazing people! We have done some of the most amazing things! 2015 was pretty fucking baller!!

Withoutherspoon actually suggested that we dedicate a whole Inspiration Before The Weekend post to one particular bird that we met this year, but that was about a month and a half ago and we’ve been pretty busy, and even just one post wouldn’t even do her the justice that she deserves! Man, she is just super nice, and incredibly friendly, and just an all round delight! Like, you know that song that you hear for the first time and you kind off just know that it would be one of your favorite songs for ever, even though you don’t really hear it that often? She is THAT amazing!! So here’s to YOU, I aspire to be as amazing as you are, C-DIMPLES!!! You are one of our favorite things that happened this year!!

Then I never fully understood the need for New Year’s Resolutions, I mean, this really is my favorite time of the year, without question! But I never really got why you should need a new calendar year before attempting changes in your life? So mine would be the same as every other year for the past 5 or so years; simply to make it better that the one preceding it! So here we go, BRO, gear up because this is going to be a cracker!! Let’s get shit on, turn it up, push it in the red, watch it all go up in smoke!! We’re having the time of our lives, strap in, and join us for the most electrifying, amazing, preposterous, magical, and best year ever! Let’s kick what’s left of 2015’s ass and make 2016 our bitch!!!

Inspiration Before The Weekend- You Owe Me 20 Dollars, Batman, Fuck You!!

Getting back on the horse? Possibly…probably not though, we’ve been pretty busy doing rad shit, handling not so rad shit, kicking ass, and taking names. Withoutherspoon watched 300 again the other day and grew three new chest hairs, inspiring!! He’s a whole new level of badass right now, I might need to step up my game!! We keep on moving though, going forward, exploring, because if there’s one thing that I just cannot deal with it has to be being idle. There’s only one speed over here, baby, and that is GO!!

Although sometimes one just needs to clear one’s head a bit, and the realist suggestion that I have ever received was to just go for a drive…sound a bit shallow? For some reason it is incredibly fulfilling. Bro, get yourself some tunes, fill that tank up with gas, take the first left, carry on for a bit, perhaps a right, somewhere, and head towards the stars!! No beer though, you can pop a top when you reach a dead en and reminisce a little, but be safe about the driving part, buddy. Do YOU!! There’s nobody else you should rather do, anyway, be the human embodiment of that Eye Of The Tiger tune, or something!! You’re a motherfucking ROCKSTAR!!

Life seems pretty weird at the moment, there are tons of new relationships, some pregnancy announcements, weddings, and breakups…I don’t much care for the first three, besides being incredibly stoked for my friends who are happy beyond belief, but I feel a little bit of something somewhere in my wasted soul for my friends whom are struggling though breakups. But then the advice will always be the same; grab a stack of ones and head to the stripclub, god knows SHE wouldn’t have gone with you! Check out some titties, there are few things in the world that either a nap or boobs can’t fix…in fact, does anybody have the email address for those ISIS fuckheads? I might know of a Syrian stripclub they could go and visit, and I’ll donate a couple of pillows afterwards so they can do the nap thing, they would most definitely rethink their whole shitty ideology after that!! Anyway, she dumped you into a sea of cock hungry women, bro!! Fuck, you’re better off without her, or perhaps you aren’t, in that case this should serve as a hard lesson, your first on the way to self improvement, get to fucking work.

Sitting back and wallowing in your self pity might be necessary for a day or two, but eventually you’re going to need to human the fuck up and get on with things…and I don’t mean to sound harsh, but the truth isn’t always pretty. And you know what, you CAN do it, because nobody can do you like you do you, man! Life’s about having a good time, and too few people remind themselves of this fact as often as they should, what would be the point if you’re not having any fun? So get out there, go for a drive, check out some knockers, chase some tail, bungee jump, try something new, eat that cupcake, drink that shot, take that selfie, jump into that pool, and never ever ever doubt yourself, because you really, truly, are the best!
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Inspiration Before The Weekend- I Will Bet You Your Life That You Don’t Need Religion

I do not believe that I have ever put this much though into a post before, not work, simply thought. Here goes; I read something earlier in the week that made me realize the complexities in the relationship among different elements of society, and that had me wanting to dedicate this Inspiration Before The Weekend post solely to this. I mean, we really are the most amazing species on the face of this planet. We cure diseases, we help each other to hear and see for the first time, we feed each other, we innovate, we invent, we discover, we teach, we help each other to walk again, we find ways to visit different worlds! We are no longer, and haven’t been for a long time, simply a species that is solely fixated on survival, we want to learn and be better, but not simply that, we want to help other people to learn and be better. HOW FUCKING AWESOME IS THIS?!!

So we live in a society built on innovation, aspiration, and motivation! And every piece of this puzzle is what helps us to be amazing. That guy who collected my trash yesterday, he has a job, he can feed his family, his employer saw a chance for a service that wasn’t necessarily desperately needed, but now it’s such an every day thing that we don’t even notice it. Where would we be without those okes? Driving to the dumps every weekend to drop off your garbage, on your own, somebody somewhere in our history decided that he is going to make that a business. Fast food employees, garage attendants, electricians, plumbers, train operators, builders, the list is endless. These are people that you do not see every day, or even notice on most occasions, but they are central to making your life as convenient as it is at the moment. Now, I’n not saying you should go out and give every single one of these people a hug and some love, but they are simply people, doing their thing, living. They have families, they have friends, they have ambitions, they have dreams, they have feelings, they have a personality. They may not be the most accomplished people, but they are people.

The guy somewhere crafted knifes and forks, that you use daily, the guy who manufactured your shoe laces, the guy who built the pen that you use, the guy who manufactured the motherfucking power cable for the device that you are using to read this, all those people have a life and a will of their own. I hi-fived a stranger this week, and it was because of a stupid fucking sarcastic joke that he heard me say while we were waiting in line at a grocery store. If I see him again today I would probably not recognize him, that wasn’t where my attention was, but for one brief moment I connected with another human being in a way that made us both feel so amazing that we just had to express it by hi-fiving each other.

Man, go and do your shit, love yourself, you are truly amazing, and you are part of this amazing world! Go and have fun, bro!

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Inspiration Before The Weekend- Go Dancing Or Something

I got nothing, seriously, it’s been a damn hectic couple of weeks. So what I’m going to do is have at this glass of whiskey, perhaps slam back a tequila or two, and spend time with my homies! Have a good time, wherever you are and whatever you do, live it up!

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I remember, when 9/11 went down, my reaction was, “Well, I’ve had it with humanity.”

But I was wrong. I don’t know what’s going to be revealed to be behind all of this mayhem. One human insect or a poisonous mass of broken sociopaths.

But here’s what I DO know. If it’s one person or a HUNDRED people, that number is not even a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a percent of the population on this planet. You watch the videos of the carnage and there are people running TOWARDS the destruction to help out. (Thanks FAKE Gallery founder and owner Paul Kozlowski for pointing this out to me). This is a giant planet and we’re lucky to live on it but there are prices and penalties incurred for the daily miracle of existence. One of them is, every once in awhile, the wiring of a tiny sliver of the species gets snarled and they’re pointed towards darkness.

But the vast majority stands against that darkness and, like white blood cells attacking a virus, they dilute and weaken and eventually wash away the evil doers and, more importantly, the damage they wreak. This is beyond religion or creed or nation. We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We’d have eaten ourselves alive long ago.

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, “The good outnumber you, and we always will.”


-Patton Oswalt